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👀 What are you looking at (or not looking at?)

Updated: May 21, 2020

I am writing you on this Sunday morning from my fave little coffee shop and felt like I had to share this little story to remind you of the parts of yourself that simply want to be seen, be loved, with consciousness and a whole lot of caring.

By sharing, we heal together, and I love how this example showed that what the child was experiencing was simply mirroring to the parent what was unhealed within her, what she feared the most, the shame she carried. When she was able to look deeply at her own wounds and see them with love and acceptance, they healed together. 

As I sit here reading this, I had to feel my own wounds and shame that my own inner child was guiding me to heal. That's the thing, whether you are a parent or not, we are all parents to our own wounded inner child, and this child simply wants to be held, be seen and be loved.

So I ask you this, what does your inner child or your own child want you to look at and love? 

A little story that brought me to tears, but filled my heart with love and compassion. May it fill yours with the same 💜... 

"A twelve- year old who, as a result of bullying, was increasingly becoming a social recluse. He refused to go to school or even to play with his friends, despite all the coaxing, enticements, and threats his parents employed as they became increasingly desperate.

Experts were called in to “fix” the child’s problem, to no avail. At times such interventions may be necessary but before seeking such help, what if we shifted the focus to the parents? For instance, how about investigating their history with regard to social situations? When we explored the mother’s past, she revealed how she too had been bullied and felt ostracized as a child.

Consequently, she had been lonely much of her childhood. Thinking it was her fault she was forever being picked on, she experienced considerable shame. The bullying, loneliness, and shame caused her to become extremely anxious. When her son began being bullied, it triggered her own latent anxiety. Worried sick about him, she unwittingly undercut his confidence. Instead of encouraging him to summon his inherent resilience, through her excessive anxiety she caused him to withdraw.

In therapy with me, this mother learned how her son’s withdrawal from life was a reaction against her own anxious reactions that were too much for him to bear, her own reactions being a remnant of events from her childhood that she had never really dealt with.

In simple everyday ways as well as more profound ones, our children are constantly saying to us, “wake up, look at yourself, transform yourself. Do this for you, so that I may be free of what burdens you.” 

- From "Awakened Family" by Dr. Shefali Tsabary

May you allow yourself to stop trying to "fix" and simply let yourself "feel", so you can heal. Sending you love and hope your day is filled with miracles!

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