THE MOM CUP: What’s in it and how can we help you add some MORE!?
Whenever I sit down to write anything (a blog, a post, a story, my own book), I sit down and set an intention. When I did that before writing this I realized that this was my intention:
To fill the cups + hearts of the mamas of the babies/children and allow them to feel seen, heard and held.
So before we start, I want to ask you:
What’s filling your cup right now? Who is filling your cup?
Who is holding you right now?
Are you feeling seen and heard? Are you seeing yourself and listening to what you want and need?
I can imagine as a parent, you are doing a WHOLE LOT of holding, listening and being there for just about everyone else in your home. And that way of being might come naturally to you.
While letting yourself be held and letting someone else “do” may not.
I remember reading in Glennon Doyle’s book Untamed recently the idea of breaking up with the paradigm of “mothers are martyrs” and instead remembering that mothers are models.
That means that it starts with you. And you need to let yourself be held and heard if you are going to allow the people you love to feel held and heard too. Let’s show them how it’s done...to do less, be held and supported more and get our needs and wants met first!
So I am here standing for YOU…and this!!!
Because you deserve to be held, heard and supported too.
So today I’m asking you:
Who is being that “home” to you and your heart? 💕 Who is holding space for you and your BIG FEELINGS and giving you that extra grace, gentleness and compassion?
If the answer is “nobody”, let’s add a lot more gentleness, compassion and love to your cup. Because right now, it may be feeling empty. Like there is NO SPACE.
Personally, I have felt like there was “no space” left after I tended to my own feelings, my own needs, my own desires...and if we are putting the feelings, needs and desires of our kiddos and our families above our own...we are never going to have space for MORE.
I want you to have MORE...you deserve MORE!
I needed to give myself the time to nap, time to live, time to PLAY, time to sing, time to DANCE, time to laugh, time to “just be”.
Realistically, as parents, you are likely feeling a LACK OF TIME. So let’s stay open for creative solutions and ideas that we may not be able to come up with our own. Let’s lean on faith and invite in more “space”...
When I don’t know what to do, I ask for help. Whether that be help from another, help from a partner, a friend, or help in ways I don’t have ANY CLUE how that “support” will show up.
But in my own journey of life, I’ve learned to rely on the “help” that I couldn’t see coming, the synchronicities, the MAGIC, the Universe, the limitless aspect that help beyond our own limited minds can bring. So let’s start with our IMAGINATIONS because I can imagine that:
It is likely harder to fill your cup than it ever has been before. So your cup is likely full.
FULL OF COFFEE.
FULL OF FEELINGS.
FULL OF TO-DO LISTS, TANTRUMS AND TIME-OUTS.
FULL OF SADNESS AND STRESS.
So let’s “tend” to the mess (and the stress). And take some TIME IN to CHECK IN…
Let’s “make friends with the feelings that want so badly to be heard” first and foremost...so we can help you have MORE.
First off, let’s have fun with this:
What do you want your CUP to be more full of?
My cup is full of…
(dance parties, time to read, time for me, time to rest/slow down, a babysitter, a coach or support person for me, my dreams, my feelings, my heart, etc.)
Make your list:
Once you have your list, say: THIS OR SOMETHING BETTER!
“I AM OPEN TO CREATIVE IDEAS AND SPIRITUAL SOLUTIONS” PLEASE SHOW ME THE WAY.
It’s okay to admit that right know, you don’t know. You may not see “the way” or any way for that matter. Start there, and let it unfold one day, one baby step and one ounce of faith at a time.
And don’t forget to say thank you. Thank you for supporting me, surprising me and delighting me in all the beautiful ways I can be loved, supported, held and cared for! (Or however you want to word your “thank yous”.
I am often reminded that when we say thank you in advance of something happening, we are acting “as if” it is already here...which allows things to happen more quickly, magically and effortlessly than ever before! So let’s stay open for the miracles and magic! And I hope your list comes true and whatever you wish for comes to you! 💖💖💖
But before we can let those things come, sometimes we have to tend to the BIG FEELINGS and FEARS first. And I think this mom said it best...
What she shared was this:
“I met Amanda during one of the most difficult periods of my life. At the time, Amanda was brought into work with my youngest son. However, it became apparent that I was in desperate need of coaching, self-love and healing. I was feeling alone, uncertain, vulnerable, and not able to see my own worth. I wasn’t sure how I could ever rise above it at all or see a way through. Amanda helped me see that I was worthy of putting myself first after a long time of putting others well-being before my own.
I was able to focus on myself and believe in myself. This gave me the confidence to do things that I never thought I could do and it changed my approach and way of thinking. She helped me to see that when I put myself first, this has a positive effect on the whole family (like an upward spiral or “ripple effect”).
I can see that if I’m not in a good place, that affects everybody. If I am not in a good place mentally and physically, then I can’t help the rest of my family. I have learned to apply this in different areas of my life and learned coping strategies to deal with any “symptoms”, emotional challenges (outbursts) or difficulties my child is experiencing. I can see how supporting myself in those moments also supports him.”
I share this because I can imagine that a lot of you moms are feeling how she was. And sometimes we need someone to remind us that having OUR NEEDS AND DESIRES MET FIRST is what’s best for everyone, and isn’t selfish. I know the MOM GUILT can be big and sometimes parents just need someone to remind them that:
You are doing a great job! (And you can do HARD THINGS and things also don’t have to be quite so hard…)
You are not alone. You don’t have to keep and hold it all together and you are allowed to say how things really are. If you don’t, then things won’t change because in order to get the support you need, you need to get real on how things really are.
So I share this, because that mom’s bravery in “getting real” allowed the support to come in so she could focus on how SHE FEELS which in turn helped the feelings of her whole family.
So let’s start with YOU and also support you and give some “tools” that can help your family as a whole.
Start with Self-Compassion:
Step 1) First off, give yourself permission “to not be okay” right now and not have it all together or be okay with just simply not knowing. Before we can add compassion to the mix, we have to accept where we are and be honest with ourselves.
Step 2) Add a dose of compassion and I say this knowing just how hard it can be to treat ourselves with kindness, love and compassion if we have been living our lives not having this been modeled to us. When we live in a world that encourages people to get things done as fast as they can, to take care of everyone and do it all perfectly, there is no space for grace, no space for mistakes...and definitely no space for compassion.
So let’s change this. And start with ourselves.
Here are your TOOLS TO GREATER SELF-COMPASSION:
Create and USE your COZY CORNER:
-Create a “cozy corner” in your home or your own personal “safe space” to process your own feelings, to add a little “zen”, calm or space for grace when your own feelings arise. Find ways to be with yourself and your feelings as the ability to be there and hold space for others is reflected on how you are able to hold space for you. (This is your own special place, so make it your own. Bring in your favourite blanket, affirmations, cards that bring special meaning into your life, crystals, your favourite colours or whatever brings joy and happiness to your being! And visit often. Come here when you wake up, come here when you need a 5 min. “break”, come here when you need a good cry. Come here when it’s time to celebrate.)
FEEL YOUR FEELINGS AND FIND YOUR FUN TIME!
-Set yourself a 5 min. (or more) timer to let yourself FULLY FEEL. Maybe you need a good cry or to write out all the ways you are feeling ANGRY. All the ways “this feels unfair”. Let it come through. Take those daily 5 mins to fully feel and follow them up with something FUN. This will help you join back when you are ready without bypassing your true feelings. (Maybe you cry, scream, or yell and then throw on your favourite outfit, a meditation, your song and dance it out, shake it out and remind yourself how amazing, empowered and magical you are and YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!!!!! Pep talk yourself as much as you need, but first: let your truth be heard and fully felt. You will thank yourself later.