I woke up this morning singing the lines from the song “Part of Your World” from the Little Mermaid. The theme is the thing we all most want in life... “to belong”, to “fit”, to be seen and to be apart of something: a community. We all want to feel connected and sometimes there is a lot that doesn’t feel like it fits with us and we can try to fit in just to be accepted. To be loved. To feel worthy and good enough.
But that’s not what the real definition of “belonging” is.
I remember back when I was reading a Brené Brown book “Braving the Wilderness” and she talked about how belonging is not the same thing as fitting in.
Sometimes we have to stand alone and be ourselves, to know ourselves and belong wholeheartedly within.
Often times, we change ourselves in order to fit with others, but the only way we can find true “belonging” is to simply BE ourselves. What would it feel like to just be YOU, to remember that you as you are is more than enough and that no matter how others see you, what they think of you or if they “get you”…
When YOU get you, love you and see you…you are home and that is enough. You are deeply at home within yourself, and that’s when you connect with likeminded or “like hearted” people who can see the real you…because you can too and you let that YOU shine and be in the world.
That doesn’t mean that we don’t want and need to be seen, heard and understood by others. We are biologically meant for and hardwired to be in relationships, to be in community, a tribe, to not be “alone”.
To feel a sense of connection, deep understanding and intimacy with others.
We all want it. We all are worthy of it and sometimes we have these old patterns or childhood traumas or unfelt emotions that block us from allowing ourselves to be truly seen. Sometimes our fear of being rejected or of “not being good enough” stops others and ourselves from seeing all the “enoughness” that we are.
I know as a kid, that’s how I felt. I never felt enough and I feel like these past few years have been a lot about healing my inner child, loving her so hard and reminding her of all the things she didn’t know, hear or feel as a little girl…so she can know now that she is so deeply loved, love-able, worthy and that all of who she is, is beautiful, the shadows, the light and the parts that feel the most “unlovable” are here to be loved too.
She doesn’t need to hide them, she doesn’t need to change them or change who she is in order to be received and loved by friends, by "boys" (and now men) or by anyone for that matter. She doesn’t need to try to get people to like her who just don’t or don’t seem to understand her loving, kind and “sensitive” way of being. She doesn’t need to be the best at everything, get the perfect marks or earn her worth outside of herself.
She also doesn't need to always take care of everyone else and make other people feel happy so she can feel safe and okay. She most certainly doesn't need to be happy all the time, always be strong, "have it all together" and see the bright side before she feels the feelings.
She doesn’t need to “do, do, do” in order to be so busy that she can’t feel her feelings and acknowledge that she is unhappy. She can be with whatever feelings are coming up, know she can ask for what she wants/needs, receive it and be with whatever it is that is coming up. She knows that she is a bright light and doesn’t need to dim this to fit in with others. She can speak her truth, she can be herself and she can share this from a grounded, loving beautiful space of knowing who she is and no longer being afraid to share and be this girl, this woman, this person.
What does you inner child want you to know, to see and what does this “little you” so badly want to hear that you never heard as a little kid?
You have the power to use your words to say it now. And you have the power to change the story that no longer serves you, the story that does not empower you and let go of the people who do not “see you”…and really start SEEING yourself.
And to be honest, this can be really deep, hard, emotional work to start feeling the repressed feelings that may have been wanting to come out for years. And it’s okay to ask for and receive help. If you ever want someone to journey along with you and have that safe space to learn, grow, heal while still remembering to always find your happy and come back to what brings you joy…while also making friends with those fears and feelings - I’m here for you.